Quotes from famous folks

Recently, I found some things I had saved in a folder. They meant a great deal to me 35 years ago and after reading them, they have not lost their charm. There are many quotes that I could include but I guess these were the golden nuggets I found in a certain time of my life and now I was able to rediscover them.

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it"

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life to which neither time nor eternity can bring dimunition- this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths!"

-Groucho Marx

"It has been the greatest lesson I have learned; if you perservere, stick with it, work at it, you have a real opportunity to achieve something. Sure, there will be storms along the way. And you might not reach your goal right away. But if you do your best and keep a true compass you'll get there."

-Sen. Edward "Ted" Kennedy, True Compass, 2009.





"You look back at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge. And if you project forward from that pattern, then sometimes you can come up with something."

-Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, 1974.

Living Undercover

Life goes on. It seems that more and more of my free time is caught up with the idea of coming out or perhaps, "coming clean". I take walks for exercise which gives me time to think. It is when I have time to focus on myself. There is no escaping my gender identity issue. Most of my day, it is there. I am at work, speaking with a coworker, and suddenly it hits me..."What if I disclosed the real me to them RIGHT NOW!"
Watching TV with my wife, and trying to plan what to say is common.
Being in the bathroom, preparing to take a shower, evokes wished as I undress. Lord, change me NOW! It is always the same...nothing happens.
Time continues to tick and the game clock never adds seconds. Something will happen soon. I am very patient and I will wait until the right moment. Eli anning or Tom Brady know when to let the football go sailing down the field. That time is coming.
As I age day to day I also seem to feel less fear about revealing lissa.
Maybe tomorrow? Next month? Soon!

Simple thoughts

Of all the art I cherish, this is the one that I love to view from time to time. It speaks to me, and offers a warm feeling. Perhaps it is comforting. Perhaps when I look at it, it makes me feel as if I am seeing myself in a mirror.
As I continue to explore my uniqueness with being transgendered, this picture tells me that "I'm OK". Perhaps someday I will find myself in a more modern cafe setting writing in a journal, drinking a glass of wine (or maybe a latte), and enjoying that moment of being me.

A new season

Autunm is my favorite time of year. I await the many colors of the leaves where I live.
There hasn't been much to write about in my transgender "coming out". I'm working on a letter to my brother that someday I will give to him that fully explains my needs and wishes. It is a difficult letter to compose. Once written, I will discuss it with my therapist, perhaps make changes, take a deep breath and talk to my brother. I'll give him the letter after.

I also hope to revisit this issue with my wife. It is long overdue.

The 5 letter word...Guilt

I saw my therapist today. It was a good session and it was well needed by me. Now that the summer is here, chances to be "lissa" take a back seat and so does the opportunity to find time to talk to my significant others, spouse, family and friends. Because of the delay, it allows for bad feelings to catch up with me on my journey. The worst of these speeding cars is GUILT. It is the great DE-motivator. It can put your gas tank on empty very quickly.
My mind plays the tape over and over...."but if I disclose my ultimate need to transition, I'll be responsible for ruining lives, breaking up a marriage, embarrassing my loved ones." I'd like to hear how others may be dealing or have dealt with it.
The good news is that in order to feel guilty one must have feelings for others.(yucka-yucka)

The Bruins are Champs!

Throughout my life I have always been a fan of Boston sports teams. I've seen the Red Sox, Patriots, and Celtics win championships. The Boston Bruins have always had a special place for me. I grew up a fan of Bobby Orr and the Big, Bad Bruins. I lived and died with them season after season. In 1971, they were stopped by Montreal and a rookie goalie named Ken Dryden. In 1978 they lost in the finals to Montreal. The following year they lost a game 7 semifinal to Montreal when they drew a penalty late in the game for having too many men on the ice. (Can you guys count?).
Another finals loss to Edmonton and then the downward spiral to be out of the playoffs. It was painful to see Ray Bourque be sent to Colorado so that he could have a chance to win a cup (and he did!).
This team this year was redeeming. Tim Thomas, the "turtle" of goaltending ( for his falling flopping style almost as if he was spinning upside down on a shell), just ridiculous! Zdeno Chara, Lucic, Marchand, Paille, Ference, Peverley, Seguin (the future star), Cambpell, Kaberle, Seidenberg, Kelly, Ryder, Rask, Hnidy, McQuaid, Boychuk, Kampfer, Krejci (a leader in the postseason scoring)... Nate Horton and Marc Savard who were inspirations; Thornton and Recchi who knew what winning the cup was all about; and especially Patrice Bergeron--a draft choice from whom much was expected and now has returned dividends. The coach Claude Julien, who weathered the storms of many of us who were not always in sync with his style of play. He and his assistants brought in a type of play that the players bought into and it stands as a winning formula.
What I like most about this win is that I am writing not just as a fan, but a transgendered fan! I could not have admitted that in 1970 or 1972, and I am proud to say that now. No shame in admitting who you are.
Play the game and have fun...Tim Thomas' recipe for success...let's apply to living everyday!

The Journey: A poem by Mary Oliver

    One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
 though the voices around you
            kept shouting
        their bad advice --
    though the whole house
       began to tremble
   and you felt the old tug
           at your ankles
          "Mend my life!"
          each voice cried.
        But you didn't stop.
 You knew what you had to do,
        though the wind pried
          with its stiff fingers
      at the very foundations,
      though their melancholy
              was terrible.
         It was already late
      enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
        branches and stones.
         But little by little,
 as you left their voices behind,
       the stars began to burn
  through the sheets of clouds,
     and there was a new voice
            which you slowly
       recognized as your own,
        that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
              into the world,
             determined to do
  the only thing you could do --
           determined to save
   the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

courtesy of -www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Journey.html

The poem was referred to by Maria Shriver recently in regard to her marital and family breakup. But I also have adopted it for my own struggles. It speaks out what those of us who want to transition feel. I have only known about it for the last week, but it is a keeper!